The Guide to Completing an M.A. Degree (or Any Degree) in Cairo University (Hence, in Egypt): Based on a True Story, Shamefully!

This is to document the M.A. in Cairo University in steps:

1- Postgraduate office: ask about requirements for applying for the M.A. program.

2- Get the requirements. They fit. Get the papers, complete the missing papers, and pay the fees (about a 1000). Try to be patient as it's still your first encounter with the postgraduate office employees and the stupid routine and the rigid rules and the unjustified expenses, and you'll have lots and lots of future encounters with all of these, so you don't wanna end up exploding; at least not now.

3- Prepare for the written test. Take the test and keep on asking for the result.

4- Passed. Prepare for the oral test (the interview). Take the test and keep on asking about the result (manta fadelhom ba2a w ma3andaksh sho3'l !!).

5- Passed. Prepare for the preliminary year.

6- First term: attend the lectures, be patient with most of the professors, do the assignments, and take the final exams of each subject.

7- Second term: attend the lectures, be patient with most of the professors, do the assignments, and take the final exams of each subject.

8- At some point you'll be asked to sign things from an "academic advisor", just find him/her and sign the papers, it's just routine; the academic advisor himself/herself doesn't know more than you do about it!

9- You did very good work at the preliminary year, congratulations! Now, it's proposal time...

10- While working on the preliminary year, try to have an idea about the topic to be for your proposal and try also to find out about the possible supervisors for that topic in order not to waste time.

11- No matter what you did or do, you WILL waste time looking for the topic and for a supervisor as no one is there to guide you or help you and most probably no one understands anything, and the employees are good at one thing: putting hurdles in your way!

12- You did acrobat and had lots of errands and talks to settle on a topic and a supervisor, start the process (collecting data, reading, filtering, picking, highlighting, writing, revising, rewriting, checking, rewriting, double-checking, rephrasing, rewording, re-ay 7aga, triple-checking, seeing other research papers, going to the university library, finding it's absolutely good-for-nothing, searching other sources, making sure to stick to the University's unclear and unorganized guide for style of research writing, somehow it fits, it's time to submit your proposal then).

13- No, no, no. Did you think you'll have a smooth step in your M.A. in the lovely CU?! No way! Go to the department secretary office then to the postgraduate office then to the secretary again then to the postgraduate again and so on till you generate petroleum! Pay fees, stick to the style, change, update, communicate to the supervisor, the time for the next department meeting is close and time is running, errands errands all the time (bala work bala life bala zeft ba2a!).

14- I'm sorry to tell you that you will not be able to go to the seminar meeting! What!!!! Why???? You just have to have ta7rir 3elmy exams (a couple of good-for-nothing exams, which only serve for adding delays and increasing stress and frustration, and of course, collecting money. Every step needs money for these people! Tegaara di msh ba7s 3elmy!!).

15- Wake up from the irony of having to have a test in Arabic, and wake up from the JOKE of having to have a test in a foreign language (mine was Italian!), what does that have to do with the research, ZILCH!! Wake up to fall into another joke, that you'll have to translate your proposal and print it and submit it too, all signed of course!

16- Passed and woke up men el mahzala di, print ba2a yeegy 5amanaashar tamanaashar copy of your proposal (lots of copies: as far as I remember, they were like 30 or so!).

17- Wait and prepare for the proposal seminar at the department meeting, and beware! It's gonna be tough!

18- You did it! Now your proposal is registered. But hold on! As I told you, nothing goes smoothly at Cairo University town! You need to wait till the approvals of the faculty and then the university committees come (ya3ny 7aaga baseeta .. masaafet a month or 2 keda! You think of complaining?? You just wasted about a year before looking for a topic and a supervisor and doing the paperwork before the proposal stage, so magatsh 3ala dool..).

19- You got the approvals, it's time to do the thesis.

20- Research writing steps again and again and again...

21- Lots of errands to write and revise and update and correct and finalize the thesis.

22- The thesis is finalized el7dL, now it's time to get back to our mostly beloved postgraduate office and routine and rigidity and stupidity and money suckers and suckers bas men 3'eer money!

23- You want to submit your thesis for the viva? I'm sorry to tell you that, but you just can't! You have first to get us an ICDL original certificate. Yeah we didn't say that before and we are saying it now! You also have to pay fees and fees and fees, just give us your bloody wage! Also there are some papers to finish with the department secretary (maho ana el marmatoon bta3 ahaleeko ya wlood el.......!!!). Go do all that and come to us in order not to miss the next department and faculty and university committees meetings!

24- Of course you missed the next meetings, so you'll play on the ones of the next month (as the meetings happen once every month, another source of delay!), but you finished all that routine shit! Good. But still one more thing. (WTF!!!) You'll have to attend the academic writing course and you'll have to pass it! (Academic writing?!! I already finished writing my thesis for God's sake! I don't need it! I can even teach it not take it! Are you nuts?!!!). Sorry, pay its fees and check its schedule (of course things like work, life, common sense, they just don't exist!).

25- Fine! So you attend the stupid course and you keep on checking for its result and you pass, but the committees meetings?? Well, another ones missed, wait for the next month's! Oh God, give me strength and patience!

26- Ok. The committees approved your thesis (after printing it of course several copies), so shall we do the viva? No we shan't!! Pay other fees, go contact your supervisor to contact the examiners to set a date and communicate that date to the Public Relations office to see if it's a vacant date to reserve the room for viva, and pay the reservation fees, and go to the security office, and inform them about the determined date, and get the data show guy and pay its fees, and get the banners guy and pay its fees, and get the ropes guy and pay its fees, and plan the food and drinks and roses bouquet and reserve and pay their fees, and print final thesis copies for the viva and see if any fees are not paid (mahomma esta2ta3ook ba2a 5alas!). Done? Take your file with lots of papers to be filled in from the supervisor and the examiners and pass it to the supervisor.

27- Calm down now ... or Panic! It's your viva! It's your day champ. Go get them tiger...

28- It's been a fierce war, but you came out of it with few scratches, and the M.A. is YOURS! WOHOOOO...

29- Is that what you think? Wohoo?? The postgraduate office is still there and the routine and stupid paperwork and rigid rules won't just die! So you receive a huge paper full of things to do after the viva! I thought I was done with that M.A., well, not really!

30- So you make lots of errands to make sure everything is right and you print the final official copies of the full thesis (9 copies, bankruptcy is eminent!). And you make a summary, Arabic and English, and a separate abstract, Arabic and English, and a certain paper for their database, all signed from supervisor (msh la2eeh ba2a, etsarraf! aw et3attal 3aaady .. 3ezz el talab!!). Don't forget also to make 3 CDs having also these same stuff. Finish all these and pass by us so that your file can go to the (freakin') committees. And when you submit all these, be pretty sure that they will find something missing or not done the way they like to practice their favorite hobby which is ennohom yefassa7ook shwayya!

31- Miraculously everything is done under the quote "fa a3'shaynaahom" and the approvals came, so give me my M.A. certificate now! Fine, go pay its fees (nothing moves without fees!!!). 

32- So you get the certificate (no matter how ba2a) and you request to get your file from their archive and you break a massive '2olla' once you get your papers, in order not to fall prey to such stupidity, rigidity, backwardness, disorganization, disrespect, depreciation, deterioration, blackmailing, theft, arrogance, miscommunication, and negativity again.

[There are other things that happened and still happen, but these are the greater portion of the picture.]
Disclaimer: This documentation seeks to reform rather than to inform, so let's hope for the best.

Be a Master of the Masters' Path: An Academic Non-Academic Degree for Life

It's been a while since I last wrote here. All the reading and writing went to a halt for a single aim: the Master's degree in English language. And voila, the thesis is complete, the defense went well, the post-defense corrections are minor, and the 'Excellent' M.A. degree is official, praised is He. Now it's about time to get back to reading and writing, so shall we?

     Let's write this piece in an academic way: A research question, a hypothesis to predict the answer to that question, a review of the related literature, an analysis and the findings out of this analysis, and a conclusion to give bluntly the answer to that research question. After all, according to Hatch and Farhady (1982), research is the most systematic way to answering questions. So what would be our research question here? Let's make it the following: What's next? Too general and wide I know, so let's narrow it down and make it: What would be the path to choose after reaching a step one has been so longing to? A little plain, but it's much better.

    Before seeking to answer this question, let's set the hypothesis. Well, it is hypothesized that one step is naturally followed by another step, for that's what the human being does anyway in his/her life: moving from one step to another to another, without stopping unless death reaps him/her. The hypothesis is pointed out, so let's move to the review of the literature.

     For the review of the literature, one would provide some of the steps taken and paths chosen by some of the masters. Dale Carnegie prefers dealing with life as day-to-day compartments. If the past is history, and the future is a mystery, the present is a gift. However, having a vision with strong language and solid will is crucial, to have a goal to aim at to move from a day compartment to the other. So it's about the present and the future. George Orwell, however, has a different approach, arguing that he who controls the past controls the future, while he who controls the present controls the past. So it's about the past and the present. William Shakespeare, on the other hand, believes that it's not about the time or the written destiny. We make our own destinies through our deeds and decisions. We are the products of our 7 ages of man, an all-time journey.
     Moving to the master of all, PBUH, things become a little clearer. This life is to come to an end inevitably at any moment, so it is considered weakness to get so attached to this life and so detached from death. Deterioration and corruption are increasing, and holding tight to the rightful path is a real challenge, though a doable, a must-do one. As long as you are fair and decent, a true man, and chaste and with good morals, a true woman, what's next won't really matter, for it is in His light. It's a life of hard work and diligence and discomfort after all. And remember that the darkest times are the ones nearest to the brightest lights of a new dawn. 
     The data to be analyzed is the different possible steps to take in light of personal preferences as well as others' experiences. After reaching a life goal, the possible paths are either to the front, or to the back, or from side to side, or just standing still. Let's see the weight of usefulness of each. Moving to the front goes along with the natural course of events in this life, showing much learning and development and progress ahead and beyond. I would rate the usefulness of this path to be 100%, full weight, full mark. Moving to the back is actually the direct opposite which would happen if for a second one would be deceived by his present status, that he/she reached the top, that no one can reach him/her. The bells of false hopes and over self-confidence and arrogance are ringing one's doors so loud to the extent of deafening him/her from the obvious common sense. A plain 0% for that for sure, not any benefit at all.
     A sort of seemingly safe path would be to move horizontally instead, from side to side. While it stresses one's current status and expands one's horizon, he/she would stay on the ground, with no ambition or growth opportunities, with no aim to fly in the sky and shoot for the moon, for if missed, the stars would be the destination. Though it is convincing for some, the rate for this path  will not exceed 40%. The final path is not actually a path, but a point in space. To remain still. All the world is running around you and you choose to stand still. Believe it or not, it has the same effect of going backwards. To keep up with the fast pace of this world, you need to move or you'll be trodden on. So I believe the path to be chosen cannot be any clearer.
     In a nutshell, one's life usually reaches a crossroads after reaching a life event or achievement. The masters' path is the one that made them glorious and remembered and taken as good examples to follow, full ahead, forward and upward, inward and outward. No backward, no compromising hesitant side walks, and no standing still. Carnegie, Orwell, and Shakespeare might have different approaches towards life, but they surely agree on the importance of time and stress on the criticality of not wasting that limited, running, flying time. Muhammad, PBUH, above all of them provides a life guide to follow, to win both the lifetime and the aftertime. The Prophet says: "Take advantage of five matters before five other matters: your youth, before you become old; your health, before you fall sick; your wealth, before you become poor; your free time, before you become preoccupied; and your life, before your death."