If Only...

Sitting inside her balcony, with her short white red-dyed hair ... Ignoring all the noises of the street ..

The thunderous horns of the cars, the resonant shouts of the sellers, the monotonic humming of people talking, the loud cries of that newborn lying in his mother's lap, the goofy laughs of some young men, the common chaos of the modern hasty way of living ...

Detaching herself from everyone and everything that could blur the clarity of this memory's dreamy image ... Thinking back at the days of her youth, the days of her strength and beauty .. The moments of her glory, the middle pages of her story ... That look on her face, and those teary eyes ... Fairness was one day the source of her pride and pleasure, and now fairness still remains, yet with a very different meaning .. A very 'just' meaning .. The mirror was once her all-day resort, but now it is a forbidden place .. Life was never that ruthless ... Feeling totally deserted, totally forgotten, totally nonexistent!

Totally occupied with only one thought: "The world was mine someday. I had it all in the grips of my hands. But like the granules of soft sand, all sneaked down the palms of my hands and I ended up catching emptiness! If only I can live a little while back then ... If only I can have my shiny black hair and my soft light skin .. If only I can see those looks of admiration from all the beholders .. If only my eyes don't keep on failing me .. If only my bones aren't so fragile .. If only those wrinkles aren't that obvious ... If only aging and loneliness and regret are not eating me alive .. If only I made the right choices when I had the chance ... If only......"